Stealing Thoughts From Others So That I Feel Useful

Okay, so sorry it's taken so long for me to slap something else up here. I lost my palm pilot, as many of you know and, it seems, my brain with it. Today I reflected a little bit on my friend, Greg's blog. Greg who, like myself, likes to throw out thought provoking tidbits and see what happens is often more direct and probably effective than me in all that and inspires me often. Though he didn't frame it quite this way, I think he's getting at one of the issues that those of us in the quarterlife years (especially those in the "quarterlife crisis") struggle with: the notion of calling. What am I "supposed" to do with my life, etc. Here's a quick excerpt from his blog:

Many of us have heard the great stories of ministry. I’m talking about the stories that make us stand in awe. When I look at the lives of Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Billy Graham, I can’t help but be amazed. As inspiring as these stories are, they can also be paralyzing. I find myself saying, “How could I ever do something like that?” Don’t get me wrong. I want to do something great with my life, but where do I even begin? I need stories that seem possible.

He goes on to ask what needs are we staring in the face and what gifts do we have to serve the needs of the people around us. I responded by saying that I think sometimes we get off track a little when we're longing so strongly to be useful. I think that God is leading us in all things and to great things. But if I could get to where I could with the fullness of my being say, "Not my will, not my plans, not my ideas, not my way" and simply follow my shepherd then I would be closer to where God wants me to be and, coincidentally, more useful to God. The words of Paul continue to ring in my mind as he said in his letter to the Philippians, "Even If I'm being poured out like a drink offering..." wasted and spent, it is all to God's glory and it is more than worth it. "I rejoice." I don't think come to these conclusions on my own either. I was remembering a passage from my devotional book, My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers that says, "We have to get rid of this notion - "Am I of any use?" and make up our minds that we are not, and we may be near the truth. It is never a question of being of use, but of being of value to God Himself. When we are abandoned to God, He works through us all the time."

Calling is something that I've struggled with for a long time. I casually use the term in reference to how I am trying to do God's will in my job and in my life, but I think that often enough the calling is "Come, follow me" rather than, "I have ordained you to be a holy blogger among the nations." Okay, this stuff touches on a lot of other stuff and as usual, I'm getting lost in my own thoughts. So, before this gets any longer I'll stop.

Well, as soon as I leave with this one story from Pastor Rell this last Sunday:

There was a young man named Rufus who was faithful and talented and for a long time, he tried to figure out what it was that he was supposed to do with his life. He had many opportunities, but wanted to know what the best option was. He prayed, he thought, he stewed, he asked others, and finally when he came into the church sanctuary and asked his pastor for the 16th time what he thought he should do with his life, his pastor said to him, "You know, Rufus, I think I know what Jesus would say to you if he was right here in person--if he walked right down that aisle and tapped you on the shoulder..." Rufus, excitedly bounced and begged him to tell him. The pastor said, "I think he would say, 'Surprise me!'"

I'm Tired Of Serving...

Serving other people wears me out.

After all of the local run-ins with floods and tornadoes, I think I've heard that sentiment from many different people. I'm guilty of it too. The first day Cedar Falls was in jeopardy I went down with a high schooler from the church to sandbag the levy. After spending the afternoon down there doing all sorts of different tasks, we finished our addition to one section of the levy and people were dispersing a bit and finding new things to work on. That was when the kid I was with came up to me and said, "can we go?" He was covered in mud and sand from the wet and dirty sandbags we were passing (especially from cradling them against his body after his hands couldn't take any more). I pushed back a little before we agreed to call it a night. Truth be told, I was exhausted too.

In the days and weeks that have followed, I've seen a lot of different responses. I've been amazed by the response of people in our church. I did start noticing how a lot of people seem to be just sort of run down. Tired of being asked to help with this and that, wishing they could just catch a movie or lay in the hammock-get their summer back.

That got me thinking about how we live out our faith in these times where everyone is asking something from us? Isn't our servanthood supposed to be an every day, part of your life sort of thing? How do we teeter on the totter of filling ourselves and filling others? I know I've heard sermons and book synopses about the importance of filling your tank before you try to fill others'. It feels sort of simplified, though. I look at the apostle Paul through his letters as he seemed to work tirelessly, traveling all over the ancient world strengthening the churches, preaching, and correcting. Maybe it's just hard to get a picture of his actual lifestyle, but it seemed to fit together better--like he was fed by his service and the Holy Spirit. I always go back to his line to the Philippians, "But even if I am being poured out as a libation over the sacrifice and the offering of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you." Even if I'm being poured out like a libation, a drink offering...

We find references to those drink offerings throughout the Old Testament. The firstfruits of your harvest of wine or oil or whatever else ended up "wasted"-- poured out on the ground in honor of God. It always feels to me like Paul is saying, "I'm putting everything I have into you guys and even if God is just wasting me, spending me, that's okay with me."

So then, we who have been baptized with the Holy Spirit, why do we feel so worn out? I don't expect to come to some conclusion here, but I want to reflect on it with you. Isn't putting our own desires aside, serving God, serving our neighbor at the heart of what Jesus taught us? Precisely what Jesus freed us for?

Never Look For Justice But Never Cease To Live It

This morning, while reading the only devotional book that I can ever seem to crack the cover of without gagging, I stumbled over the author's conclusion, "Never look for justice, but never cease to live it."

I think that I must have raised my eyebrows along with a couple red flags, saying, "hold on here, pal...I'm not sure I agree with this one." Never look for justice? Never? Some of the people I most respect in the Christian community live out their faith most prevalently through seeking justice. For oppressed people in other countries, for the hungry, the sick, the war-torn, the child soldiers, the women who are mutilated or beaten, the children trafficking...and you, Mr. Devotional man, are saying never seek justice?

Though it took me a bit to see what he was saying, I think I hear a bit of the kernel he's sharing. He was looking at the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus gets up and says all sorts of crazy things--not the least of which is concerning how we should respond when we're wronged. He reflects on the famous "turn the other cheek" passage and suggests, "every time I insist upon my own rights, I hurt the Son of God; whereas I can prevent Jesus from being hurt if I take the blow myself." I don't think that he was trying to offer any sort of commentary on advocacy or the like, but rather about our individual response to those situations in our own lives. Am I trying to justify myself? Am I always looking for justice for the ways I've been misrepresented, mistreated, or injured? That is definitely what feels natural. I have a hunch that there's some wisdom here and that the way the Spirit will guide us is more towards going that second mile, giving up what you have, taking one for the team. When I try to fight it, other passages roll over me, remembering the servant in one of Jesus' parables, receiving mercy and then showing none (Matt 18), and how we are spurred on with those ancient words of the prophet Micah, to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with our God. What do you think?

The Problem With Winkeyman

We've come a long way. Every once in a while I sit back and marvel at the amazing things that society has put around us. When it comes to communication aids, I am completely blown away! When I turned 16 I thought it was pretty sweet that I could just buzz across town and see what my friends were up to. Then, even if they didn't answer their home phone, I could still track them down. Well, I know I didn't grow up in the stone age and occasionally we sent emails, but now if I need to get a hold of someone, a lot of times I can call 2 or 3 different phones, chat with them on Facebook, AIM, Gmail chat, MSN, Yahoo!, iChat, or wherever, I can post a message on their profile or their blog, I can text them, or (if there's time)I suppose I can still write them a letter.

Now this is all great...I use most of those things I just mentioned to get in touch with people. I run in to a couple problems, though. First of all, it is really hard sometimes to get the tone of what you're saying across in a quick email, text, or instant message. The other day I was chatting with my sister and realized that she would have no way of knowing that the little jab I just made was all in fun. Insert winkeyman. ;) That was close. But was that the playful winkeyman or the sarcastic winkeyman or the "I'm being honest but just need to soften the blow" winkeyman? Aaaarrrgh!

the second thing is that when I'm with people now, sometimes I find myself looking at them, looking away, jotting a note in my palm pilot (which should really be upgraded to an iPhone so it can be a phone too and check email and stay connected), looking at what's going on across the street, giving the token understanding nod, looking back at the person who's talking, sometimes creating my own inner dialogue. Whoo. Sometimes I feel like I just got done watching ESPN while I have MSN in the picture in picture on the plasma screen attached to my dashboard as I talk on my cell phone and listen to an audio book from iTunes while I'm driving. Maybe this opens too big a can of worms for this blog anyway.

In the end, I think I just get frustrated because there is so much out there to help me communicate with other people and yet, the communication isn't better. Now, there are all sorts of "yeah but"s to this, especially in the realm of business and research, but for me--the simple have a conversation with my friends guy, I find myself wishing sometimes that I could just


TURN IT OFF.


I'll turn it back on in just a second, but maybe I'll use iChat because I'm learning that Winkeyman and I don't have the same facial expressions.

Pondering the Righteous Response To Being Burgled

Today I walked into the church and opened the door to my office (the youth room) and after first look, pulled a double take as I realized that one of the many windows had been broken. I soon found that several items had been stolen. Happy Friday!

Now this isn't the first time that this has happened to St. John. It has happened several times. We keep taking other security measures, but I'm not really all about locking down a church because of some stuff we keep there. Call me crazy, but that's not really how we want the church to feel...

So what now? I've been playing CSI for hours now, called the fuzz (this time they actually brought someone to look for evidence, which has not been the case before) and they gathered information and evidence and I'm in the process of getting the window fixed and am frustrated about the work in progress I had on my laptop that I should have just saved to our server and all of the things that I have to do in the next few weeks and probably won't have time to put my best energy into and then I start wondering why I'm writing a blog at all...

And I just took a call from a telemarketer about discounts on replacing windows...amazing. I should have asked where she was on the evening of June 5th. Okay, all the details aside and in spite of my frustration and feelings of being violated and wondering why each time someone breaks in at church they tend to steal stuff that I use...I'm trying to figure out how I should feel. You know, the WWJD mentality--heretical as it may be. Part of me wants to track the dude down and go on a rampage--you know, that righteous wrath we see in the OT. But then there's that 70x7 stuff and the "golden rule" and judge not lest you be judged and the plank in the eye and the forgive us out trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us stuff...eesh! As I sit here and type on a piece of luxury that could have bought a lot of food for someone who didn't have any, while I use wireless internet that I'm not paying for, while I dwell on how someone attacked my comfort, while I harbor all sorts of things in my heart...

Maybe I just need to let go and move on.

How can I live that full and amazing life without letting go? Forgiveness is pretty powerful that way--both for the forgiver and the forgiven. So that sounds good, I'll do that. But what if they actually caught the perp? What would I say? Don't press charges, we forgive him? Let's break a couple windows on his house? Put him in the stocks? My heart still needs some work.

I See A Big "E"

So this past week I went for a routine eye exam--I'd been having some headaches and wondered if my prescription might be in need of a bit of updating. My hunch was correct, but it wasn't off by much. It did, however give me a moment to reflect on one aspect that seems to be quite large within the scope of quarterlife crises; namely getting older. Soon after the assistant took me back to the little dark room with the backwards light up chart behind you that you have to read while looking across the room into a mirror while holding a spoon over one eye, standing on one leg, and reciting the bridge to Blues Traveler's Hook backwards, I realized that I couldn't really read the chart. Now, a little history--I've always had fairly decent eyes. Lots of times people try on my glasses and say, "It doesn't do anything." I got my first pair of glasses in 8th grade, but didn't even wear them all the time and yet, somehow there I was, standing in the eye doctor's office and all I can sheepishly say in response to the request to read the lowest line I can is, "I see a big E."

Whoo.

When I got in to see the doctor, he mentioned he had checked to see if bifocals would help...are you kidding me? Much to my relief, he quickly reported that they wouldn't. He did also make comments several times about how he's checking for stuff like cataracts even though someone of my age and health shouldn't have to worry too much about that.

I don't really think I'm having a complex about this but it did make me feel it a little. My peers tell me all the time that, "we're getting old." In fact, a friend who just turned 20 last week said that to me a couple days after his birthday. Zowzers. Why is it that we can be so consumed by aging? It's such a confusing concept anyway. I remember the days of thinking high schoolers were old, anything beyond that was unfathomable and my parents and other people even older were a completely different species.

We work so hard to stay young-actually, I think there's a mythical moment in quarterlife that is the want of both old and young. Every commercial pushes the younger pups to get there sooner and tells the older generations they've got to get back there. So much so, methinks, that oftentimes we pass it by before we know we're getting close. Thankfully, we've got pills and creams and gels and vitamins and surgeries and activities and 24-hour fitness centers to reverse the clock and make us the person we were meant to be...

We have thousands of books, movies, and songs about immortality and things like the fountain of youth, the holy grail, etc. Of course we want to feel like we have some control, but I think a more deep and fundamental longing relates to struggling to let go of things-not wanting things to change, feeling uneasy about death.

I'm sorry if you're sick of me quoting singer-songwriter Andrew Peterson, but he has a song called More that I think is a pretty amazing picture of that longing in us. I thought I'd share it with y'all.

This is not the end here at this grave
This is just a hole that someone made
Every hole was made to fill
And every heart can feel it still--
Our nature hates a vacuum

This is not the hardest part of all
This is just the seed that has to fall
All our lives we till the ground
Until we lay our sorrows down
And watch the sky for rain

There is more
More than all this pain
More than all the falling down
And the getting up again
There is more
More than we can see
From our tiny vantage point
In this vast eternity
There is more

A thing resounds when it rings true
Ringing all the bells inside of you
Like a golden sky on a summer eve
Your heart is tugging at your sleeve
And you cannot say why
There must be more

There is more
More than we can stand
Standing in the glory
Of a love that never ends
There is more
More than we can guess
More and more, forever more
And not a second less

There is more than what the naked eye can see
Clothing all our days with mystery
Watching over everything
Wilder than our wildest dreams
Could ever dream to be
There is more

In conclusion, I'm just excited that I can slap something on my face and see the clock across the room, even if I continually become more confused by how it spins. How 'bout you? Did turning 20, 25, 30, or 35 throw you into a quarterlife crisis?

In The Round D

From Mollie:

Hey all,

Lately I have been reading "The Problem of Pain" by CS Lewis and was affected by this - which he goes on to talk about for several pages...

"By goodness of God we mean nowadays almost exclusively His lovingkindness; and in this we may be right. And by Love, in this context, most of us mean kindness- the desire to see others than the self happy; not happy in this way or in that, but just happy. What would really satisfy us would be a God who said of anything we happened to like doing, 'What does it matter so long as they are contented?' We want, in fact, not so much a Father in Heaven as a grandfather in heaven...Not many people, I admit, would formulate a theology in precisely those terms: but a conception not very different lurks in the backs of many minds. I do not claim to be the exception: I should like very much to live in a universe which was governed on such lines. But since it is abundantly clear that I don't. God is Love, I conclude that my conception of love needs correction." (pg 30,40, Lewis)

Sometimes it seems to me that love isn't enough in relationships with family, friends, partners. That there is this stark reality of how difficult it is to truly sacrifice or change for God that seems too hard to be love - as if love needs to cover that - or soften it. But that harsher thing - that truth or actuality is love. Is love not what softens but what cuts?

Any thoughts?
:)

In The Round C

From Kara:

http://www.newsweek.com/id/81388/page/1


There was a recent article in Newsweek that really resonated with me, and succinctly put into words one of my personal struggles. The article says that in 2008, the voices of moderates, skeptics and those who do not claim to have all the answers – both among those who believe and those who don’t – will start to become as prominent in the dialog about religion as those who speak out with absolute certainty.

From the article:

“A number of recent and upcoming books showcase voices from Christians and nonbelievers that are intelligent but less strident than the old guard. Both sides seek to elevate the thing they have in common: doubt. In a fragile world, a confession of uncertainty is especially grave.”

My first reaction is a huge sigh of relief. I’m constantly dumbfounded at the level of conviction espoused by people who hold beliefs that I find to be completely ridiculous. I’ve come to realize, however, that is isn’t necesarrily the beliefs that amaze me, but it’s the absolute certainty in these beliefs that people have. One of the definitions for faith is “belief that is not based on proof.” I think this is one of the wonderful things about faith. It takes more effort, thought and self-reflection to believe in something you can’t prove than something you can. The element of the unknown makes having faith a personal decision. It makes faith part of a relationship with Christ, and not just a matter of facts and figures. If your faith, by definition, is not based on proof, no matter how much you believe, how can anyone possibly be completely sure that her beliefs are right and all others are wrong?

At the same time, I find myself at the complete opposite side of the spectrum. How can you truly believe if there are any doubts? If you really have God and Christ at the center of your life, how can you be anything but certain?

If there’s no room for doubt, what value is there to faith; but if you truly believe, how can you have any room for doubt?

My struggle comes in trying to find some kind of middle ground. As a Christian, I like to think that I fully believe in all the Big Things (http://www.creeds.net/ancient/nicene.htm), but I also understand that there is the possibility that it’s all completely wrong. Some days I feel this understanding validates my faith, proving that I’ve thought of other options, and Faith is what I chose. Others, I feel as though believing that there is any other possibility only sheds light on the weaknesses in my faith.

I don’t know the answer to this, but I’m also not sure there is one. I’m ok with that, because I think questioning your beliefs is one of the best ways to make them stronger. I will never “know” if what I believe is right, but that won’t keep me from believing.

In The Round B

From Jacque:
One thing that I struggle with both inside myself and
within my discussions with others in regards to God is the issue of
"what God is saying" and how we come to believe or "know" what God is
saying.

"Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so..." The creator
of this tune knew that (s)he was loved because the Bible provided such
knowledge. I, however, learned that Jesus loved me because adults at
church kept teaching this song. It never occurred to me that I should
double check in the Bible to be sure. Either way, we both come to
know that we are loved and carry that message with us to be brought
out whenever we need reminding.

I do not "know", but I do believe that these messages are the Holy
Spirit within me. And when I am needing that Holy Spirit to remind me
of important things that God wants from me/ for me I think it breaks
through some barriers and gives me a message that I might actually,
consciously recognize. I'm not so sure *that* is in the Bible, but its
a part of my faith in God's promise to me in baptism.

These things that I hear are often tied to music or sounds of nature.
Maybe because my gifts lie in the appreciation and respect for those
tools and creations in life and therefore, I am ready and able to hear
and use the important messages for the good of myself and the creation
around me. I am sure that others have custom made message delivery
systems in place to meet their needs based on their gifts and
abilities. For example, my friend is very dedicated to memorizing her
Bible verses and that skill serves her well in that she has verses
surface in her mind that apply to the situation she is in need of
addressing. I admit that I have a much harder time actually listening
to scripture, which many argue to be our link to understanding God's
desires for us. I do not know that I disagree with this sentiment,
but I am afraid that such people who stick to that gun will use it to
shoot either me or themselves in judgment or righteousness should they
discover that I am perhaps listening to a song stored in my memory or
the wind blowing through the trees.

I do not get into much of the differences between denominations, but I
have been reminded multiple times that currently the United Church of
Christ (UCC) has adopted a slogan: "God is still speaking." I love this concept (assuming that it means what I think it means), because it says to me that God didn't pass
along knowledge to prophets and apostles for a few thousand years and
then suddenly shut up and leave us to figure it all out on our own.
It excites me to think that if God wants to claim me, then God will
come and find me and tell me that I belong through whatever means
possible to seal the deal.

In The Round A

From Adam:
Wait! Be patient. God has a plan for your life, and He will unveil it as He sees fit.

I have to constantly remind myself of this. I have a hard time being patient and waiting for God to reveal his plan in my life. I find myself making plans for my future, and then He tells me: no Adam that's not what I have planned for you. He completely obliterates the plans that I made without consulting him or made while ignoring his direction for my life. At first it is frustrating to have my plans completely destroyed, but as I move on and pray I realize that I was not living my life for God, but I was living for myself and worldly things. I try not to live for worldly pleasures and live for God, but as a human I know I am fallible. So, I have learned to pray for God's guidance and direction in my life, and I ask for patience to wait for him to reveal his plan. He always does...just along His time line, not mine.

In The Round

I recently got the opportunity to go down to Nashville to visit a good friend and catch a concert by an amazing singer-songwriter, Andrew Peterson. It was his annual Christmas tour, Behold The Lamb Of God, and I had wanted to go for a long time. The concert was incredible and one of the coolest parts was that while the second half of the show was the story of the birth of Jesus told uninterrupted in song, the first half consisted of the whole bunch of musicians playing "in the round." I think that was the first time I heard that term, but it makes sense. Most of the musicians got up and did a little solo ditty-sometimes backed up by a couple of the others and then it was passed on to the next. I think it's a really cool idea of a way to do a concert--It sounds like it's one of those typical Nashvagan things. Here's an attempt at doing the same thing without the melody. I asked a few people who've been involved with QuarterLife to share a couple thoughts whether it's something that they've been learning lately or what feels like the theme for their life. Hopefully what you see is a bit of a snapshot into the life or heart of a young adult.