So this past week I went for a routine eye exam--I'd been having some headaches and wondered if my prescription might be in need of a bit of updating. My hunch was correct, but it wasn't off by much. It did, however give me a moment to reflect on one aspect that seems to be quite large within the scope of quarterlife crises; namely getting older. Soon after the assistant took me back to the little dark room with the backwards light up chart behind you that you have to read while looking across the room into a mirror while holding a spoon over one eye, standing on one leg, and reciting the bridge to Blues Traveler's Hook backwards, I realized that I couldn't really read the chart. Now, a little history--I've always had fairly decent eyes. Lots of times people try on my glasses and say, "It doesn't do anything." I got my first pair of glasses in 8th grade, but didn't even wear them all the time and yet, somehow there I was, standing in the eye doctor's office and all I can sheepishly say in response to the request to read the lowest line I can is, "I see a big E."
When I got in to see the doctor, he mentioned he had checked to see if bifocals would help...are you kidding me? Much to my relief, he quickly reported that they wouldn't. He did also make comments several times about how he's checking for stuff like cataracts even though someone of my age and health shouldn't have to worry too much about that.
I don't really think I'm having a complex about this but it did make me feel it a little. My peers tell me all the time that, "we're getting old." In fact, a friend who just turned 20 last week said that to me a couple days after his birthday. Zowzers. Why is it that we can be so consumed by aging? It's such a confusing concept anyway. I remember the days of thinking high schoolers were old, anything beyond that was unfathomable and my parents and other people even older were a completely different species.
We work so hard to stay young-actually, I think there's a mythical moment in quarterlife that is the want of both old and young. Every commercial pushes the younger pups to get there sooner and tells the older generations they've got to get back there. So much so, methinks, that oftentimes we pass it by before we know we're getting close. Thankfully, we've got pills and creams and gels and vitamins and surgeries and activities and 24-hour fitness centers to reverse the clock and make us the person we were meant to be...
I'm sorry if you're sick of me quoting singer-songwriter Andrew Peterson, but he has a song called More that I think is a pretty amazing picture of that longing in us. I thought I'd share it with y'all.
This is not the end here at this grave
This is just a hole that someone made
Every hole was made to fill
And every heart can feel it still--
Our nature hates a vacuum
This is not the hardest part of all
This is just the seed that has to fall
All our lives we till the ground
Until we lay our sorrows down
And watch the sky for rain
There is more
More than all this pain
More than all the falling down
And the getting up again
There is more
More than we can see
From our tiny vantage point
In this vast eternity
There is more
A thing resounds when it rings true
Ringing all the bells inside of you
Like a golden sky on a summer eve
Your heart is tugging at your sleeve
And you cannot say why
There must be more
There is more
More than we can stand
Standing in the glory
Of a love that never ends
There is more
More than we can guess
More and more, forever more
And not a second less
There is more than what the naked eye can see
Clothing all our days with mystery
Watching over everything
Wilder than our wildest dreams
Could ever dream to be
There is more
In conclusion, I'm just excited that I can slap something on my face and see the clock across the room, even if I continually become more confused by how it spins. How 'bout you? Did turning 20, 25, 30, or 35 throw you into a quarterlife crisis?
